#debsaristories #sareespeak After bidding tata bye bye see you to Lakshmis and Durgas, it's time for the devils. Well if Gids were here, can devil's be far away anyways? I am not a great Halloween costume person but today teamed my "owl" tee with black saree for devil combo. I couldn't find my purple mask so ye, chuck it. That's the devil me. Ok?

 Yet another interesting conversation with a colleague and senior at work. The colleague's eight year old daughter who recently started playing soccer apparently was just running behind others who were chasing the ball instead of chasing it by herself. And the parents were disappointed about it. The rolley eyed me couldn't stop but said, shes just eight, let her be. The colleague said it's ok for her not to win but she should be giving her best (and pumped fists into the table). I said , how do you know she did not? Quiet. Silence. You seem to be a patient parent is the remark I got, followed by let's change the topic. I am glad we did. Patient parent (that sound so contradictory right)? I wasnt always at least to begin with. But growing up with bettu i understood that for a kid to grow up well, it's not about them raising up to our expectations, but rather its important we get down to their level of requirements and understanding. Not every kid is born to compete at eight. Some develop that skill at eighteen, twenty eight, may be even forty eight. Or maybe some never will. Just like how not all kids know to sim, dance, paint, be human, become a prodigy. Its an infinite spectrum. Does it mean we stop pushing them? Perhaps not. Where there is passion, let's help them set a goal, small or big. Let's help them work towards it. It's hard for kids to keep a goal in mind and work towards it. That requires a lot of maturity (common, how many times have we set goals and just forgot about them because it was too much work!). Let them enjoy the process of learning. Allow them to realize where they need to put more efforts. None of these are overnight changes. It takes years. We lose patience , we freak out when other overachieving kids come with remarkable successes and worry for our own. Guess what, each take their own time and eventually will find their way. Good guidance nevertheless is the constant in this case. Are kids that arent competitive at eight losers in life? Of course not. They have seen the earth only for eight years and have a LONG way to go and deal with competition all through life. If it comes naturally to them, nothing like it but until then let them be. Let us first try to become a better parent as much as we expect our kids to become better children. That's the devil in me. Now at rest.

#debsaristories Unplanned saree post. But when indeed I draped a saree, then why not post and share the happiness. Diwali is all about lights- literal, emotional and spiritual. The other day a well wisher colleague was asking me about my future career plans, I laughed and said I have none. She asked if I dint see myself as a CXgroup. I said of course not, I wasn't even thinking. That wasnt my priority ever unless it came organically in the course of life. When I was thinking later about it, I realized I figured out that few things are clear in my mind. When life wants to flow beautifully like a stream through hills, valleys , forests, meadows to reach the ocean...why should I try to capture and bind it in a bottle in the name of "plans". The following lamps light in my heart everyday. Some days, when one of them darken, the other lends light and oil to keep it glowing 1. I don't compete with anyone 2. I don't compare myself with anyone 3. I don't self sympathize What's (destined) mine will always be (and what'snot, wont be mine likewise). The following lamps I use to light others 1. Be nice, not expecting anything in return 2. All days arent same, learn to sail through the ebb and tide 3. Spread happiness. It definitely helps and world needs it in abundance If each of us try our bit, everyday is Diwali. Aaj took time for a simple Rangoli at home. Bettu helped me a bit too. We chatted about my childhood Diwali memories and I told him I will share today's stories with my grandchildren in future. He had a shy smile, he liked the idea. Happy Diwali weekend girls. Stay bright!

#debsaristories Bahut zyada masti ki aaj. Diwali get-together at work (mostly driven by my enthu)! Since its outside India, Its that time when the student in me is more fully awake (creative side I mean,) went yesterday night to office to do Rangoli (do u like it?) And decoration for photo backdrop. Again motivated my (vi)desi colleagues to drape saree (lended them mine) and not just that aaj to exceeded my own barriers and danced after 16 years! Last time was in 2003. Naacha (and nachaaya bhi) to Aankh maarey and we enjoyed the unplanned impromptu team dance! We also did garba steps with my videsi colleagues, them in sarees! Kuch habits cant die. Like this one, the celebrations during festival and to create that "mahaul" to step away from work and have some fun! I am glad this is accepted at workplace despite being outside India. More special because my silent spectator #sareespeak friend and colleague Monika Aggarwal is in saree and she looked STUNNING. The grey blackboard seemingly looking like clouds gave the amazing backdrop. I shared a video for the first time of my pagalpan (danced to several others too today but that's an overkill) I love every bit of colors, celebrations and the happiness it brings. My smile hasn't vanished even after two long days of stress, work and planning :) Diwali hai!

#debsaristories #durgapujo Sarhad paar ke bhi pyar mil sakta hai. Last month I started conversation to invite my neighborhood girl gang (all non-bengalis except two) for a bong style bijoya get together, that was for today. When I mentioned red white theme, there was unbound excitement. Some even started Amazon shopping for sarees. Made me think! What's bong dressing without big bindi and shakhapola? Well of course I wouldn't get it here in USA , that's when my dearest friend Minsha Mishti Ahmed helped me with 40 pairs of shakha pola, bindi packets and even rose flowers for all ! So much hungama! But honestly every bit of effort was worth it, my neighbor who is from Pakistan (shared her pic) enjoyed the saree drape, the bindi and sindoor and was so happy being part of the occasion. Today coincidentally is Lakshmi puja for many observing bengalis. What's more wonderful than forty sakshath Lakshmis walking and blessing you with their presence. Treated the girls to some bengali delicacies, loochi, mangsho, cholar daal, aloo phoolkopir tarkari, pyaji, paneer, pulao and patali gurer payesh. I am draped in an Assam silk saree teamed with a brocade blouse Minsha, love you re. This was impossible without you. In a world where friends and family hesitate to help, you have helped me without thinking twice. Big shoutout to #sareespeak friendships!

#debsaristories #durgapujo Ashche bochor abar hobe. Ah that time, bitter sweet. The past five days flew so fast, and the wait starts already for next year. Sindoor daan is very special, I got attracted to it, the first time I saw it (that was before marriage). But the sweetest part is being with ma and when she applies sindoor on my cheeks with love and only love. Ma's blessings are what Dugga would have bestowed upon me if she stood in front of me. I always wear white red saree for dashami but today my dry cleaned garad was more of a tent material for Yosemite than to be draped. I tried in vain. It wouldn't hold me, it just wanted to create this weird hard pleats and pallu that I looked like a badly made defective manipuri doll.😒 This pure Assam silk came to my last minute rescue. Happens. Cant crib, just moved on. Ashche bochor abar hobe! It is a sweet surprise when sakhis from #sareespeak recognize you outside of Facebook! Thanks Urmi S Roy and Anu Pai 🥰🥰🥰 Shubho bijoya to you all!!!

#debsaristories #durgapujo The rolly eyes game! It's a silent hide and seek. Do you see this too? Women trying to avoid eye contact even though the HUGE you are standing right in front of them like iceberg in front of Titanic? Yeah I witness a lot of that during these socio-cultural events. The "higher ups" trying to avoid the First eye contact with the "commons". Its like, "you go first, you look at me, wave at me, try to smile, yell, make faces while I try to pretend that I am super busy and important person and I will completely ignore your presence even though you are less than two feet away from me". Sometimes they even summon someone behind you ten feet away and you wonder if THEY are long-sighted or did YOU just magically become invisible like Mr. India. I observe this game being played all around me in these gatherings. What a fun to watch (pun intended) Hmm. What syndrome is this? Is this mental condition officially recorded with a name in medical books? Perhaps the wise ones and doctors in this group can enlighten us. How does making eye contact with someone and greeting them first make you less important ? If that's true, I will be out of that "order of importance" game even during auditions. I can go tap people and greet them, perhaps I should learn a thing or two going forward and behave like those grown ups. Perhaps that what I am supposed to do at 39. Phew.. so much worldly learning pending.

#debsaristories #durgapujo Durgashtami special! Shakti roop is my fav roop of Ma. Shakti alias Courage comes from capability, confidence, compassion. We all are conscious about uplifting one other these days. Don't forget that is applicable inside the family too. There is a child in every woman and that child has many unfilled wishes that have been locked up forever and forgotten perhaps.

Getting ready for Durga puja, ma and I take time to check out on each other and we make sure each other looks the best! Today I was blow drying ma's hair, I love her hair and more so love tending to it. Moms, MILs, aunts, sisters, cousins older and you get all of us women have that little girl in us alive and wishing for small moments. If you can, keep them alive and even better help them relive those! I know ma is a beautiful, stunning and confident woman but that never intimidates me. We both bring our own strengths and skills to the family. We complement and learn from each other and together we are one good team that can watch each others back. In fact I am proud to be her DIL. My husband is who he is, largely due to the upbringing in addition to his individuality. How can I just enjoy the fruit and not love the tree? Duh, right? That's the shakti within us. That's the shaktiroopini. Happy durgashtami lovelies!

#debsaristories #durgapujo Shubho Shasthi and Saptami. Here starts my pujo officially. Took the day off to be with ma and Ma. After all kya leke aate hain aur kya leke jayenge, bas kuch pal ki baatein hi zindagi hai. In a sweet hand embroidered sheuli linen saree, matched with a georgette blouse again with pearl work embroidered on sleeves. Someone argued with me that I shouldn't be so over enthu about culture, language and beliefs, sarees especially because I live in USA. My answer to them was the key is not picking one over the other- be it one Indian culture over another or Indian culture over another country's culture. Key is to blend in and pick the best of all. hain na?