Fear. Do you go through this? When I get call late night from amma I dont pick it. I actually dont. If the call repeats I shudder. If it goes thrice I dread. I dont have the guts to pick the call to hear anything that I cannot withstand. Amma , Nanna live far away, and the me doesnt have any guts to.let anything happen to them since I am not around. Similarly, when baba oversleeps I get restless, I dont want to go to his room and check. I keep loitering outside his room making noises to disturb him so I could wake him up. When ma doesnt finish her workout and yoga on time I go crazy. I yell at kiddo for no reason because I know she will be out asap to rescue her grandson and get mad at me. I dont mind being yelled at or them getting annoyed, it's my secret way of ensuring they are doing fine. My intention is not to create tension in their minds but actually to relieve mine. I care too much and feel too much that I pray for immortality for my loved ones. I am weak and I cant think beyond. I am human and only want happiness to those that are mine. Like almost everyone in the group, a golden Rekha kanjivaram is something I would love to possess too someday. Guess what, truth is a) its expensive b) I dont have any occasions in near or far future that would call for such a beauty. Reality check. That's when I bumped into this beauty. It's easy to drape, stays in place and looks elegant. That's all I needed.
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